Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)
Here we have the key to success in marriage: each doing his/her own part. The problem arises when we become more concerned with our spouse’s part than our own. Husbands proclaim that if their wives would just respect them they would be able to show more love. Likewise, the wives declare, “If he only loved me more...”
It is easy to love the respectable and it is easy to respect the lovable. Nevertheless, in marriage, each duty is to stand alone. God has instructed me to love my wife. He did not say love her if she respects you. He simply said, “Husbands love your wives.”
We are to do our own part in marriage and leave our spouses’ part to them and the Lord. By the way, I have found that if at least one is willing to wholeheartedly do their part, the other will follow suit.